“I was a good girl, I did everything that was asked of me, I tried my best, why did my father leave us?” —she said.
Feeling abandoned by a primary caretaker when you are a child, not receiving the attention, care, and affection you deserve, can be a deep wound to heal when you grow up.
The death of a loved one and psychological or physical abuse can result in unhealthy attachment patterns and trauma.
Believing relationships will eventually end, living with guilt, experiencing anxiety over thoughts of rejection, anticipating pain, are some of the ways in which fear of abandonment can show up in your life, seeking for healing and integration.
Exploring if your parents experienced a secure or insecure attachment, and how consistently available and attuned they were to your needs, can help you understand your beliefs about relationships.
In response to a situation you experience as threatening, your non-conscious action patterns prepare you to meet the threat and protect your-Self.
When working with my healees, I address trauma as a survival behaviour: sometimes, pain is so deep and unbearable, that a part of your soul freezes right there, to prevent you from experiencing the full impact of pain, which your body would not be able to handle otherwise, so the rest of it can go on having other experiences, until you are ready to come back for it, heal, and integrate the experience with its resources at soul level.
Once trauma has been properly processed and integrated, making sense of it and experiencing the pain contained in it fully, in a safe environment, experiencing secure attachment can offer a new model for your relationships and how to behave in one.
Because we all have programmed voices that act as mental alarms when we feel in danger, practicing self-compassion can help calm our alarms by promoting self-care and being reminded we too are humans and therefore vulnerable beings worthy of care, affection, and love.
Give me a 💝 if today you will be mindful of your heart and handle it with care.
~ Luciana.