Updated: May 14
Mother’s Day is almost upon us, and for those of you who grew up with an absent, neglectful, or abusive mother, for those of you who have lost your mother, and for those of you who are childless mothers, it may come with feelings of loss and grief.
It is ok to have a wide range of feelings and emotions about your relationship with your mother. Maybe she was absent, maybe she was mentally ill, maybe you felt responsible for her happiness as a child, or feel resentment for having had to take care of her. Whatever the situation, your feelings and experiences are valid.
Today, I would like you to remember that everyone's journey is different, so be sensitive to those who may be hurting during this time.
Especially because most of us didn’t grow up having learned the skill of how to feel an emotion. We try to resist it. We eat it, drink it, shop it, or react to it. We let it fuel our behavior. But there are skills you can learn to let an emotion be present with you and allow it to pass through you. It’s way less painful to feel it than to resist it.
One of the skills for coping with emotions is naming exactly what you are feeling: Is it sadness? Loneliness? Hopelessness? You will find so much power in naming that feeling.
And then, you can get curious: If you weren’t so busy resisting this feeling, wishing it weren’t there, if you could allow your-Self to have it, what does it feel like in your body? Where would you feel this feeling if you let your-Self feel it? Does it have a texture, shape, size, color?
If you simply allow the feeling to happen, chances are it won’t last more than a few minutes. Granted, it may create another thought and another difficult feeling, but lather, rinse, repeat. Once you drop the resistance, you will feel much better.
Now, you can ask your-Self: what would be useful to me, what would be loving to me? What would feel most supportive to me? Only you know if you’re doing something that’s moving towards what you want or away from what you want.
It’s how you use these tools what matters.
By learning how to cope with your emotions, you will create space to see your mother as a real person, aside from her role. All mothers make mistakes and some do things really well.
✨ What did your mother do well?
✨ What are you doing well, when mothering your-Self?
If you don’t have a mother on this earth, if you don’t have a child on this earth, or if you have had difficulties relating with your mother, remember: you do have a mother within you, that can nourish and protect you, so you can make this day about honoring your feminine, motherly traits by being tender, kind, and loving to yourself.
I see you. Namaste.