Updated: Oct 29, 2020
If this happened to you, I feel you, and I’m sorry you had to go through this, nobody deserves it...
Your emotions are valid, nobody can judge you for how you feel, only you can define your experience.
If you ever felt pressured or obliged to have sexual intercourse, you may have experienced sexual coercion.
This can happen in different ways and is usually based in power imbalance.
No one has a right to your body, not even if you are in a relationship or you have previously consented to have sex with that person.
No is no, and nobody is entitled to question your refusal.
Sexual coercion can happen in different ways, do these resonate with you?
* I love you, but it seems like you don’t love me enough.
* I don’t use condoms.
* You owe me.
Do you feel like you’re doing something wrong because you’re not there yet? Are you being questioned about your birth control method? Do you feel pushed in any way? Is the other person relentless until you give in? Do you feel unheard when you ask to slow down? Have you been forced after you asked to stop? Have you been given alcohol or drugs to loosen you up?
“My mother told me to never say no to a man. I’m worried he will leave if I don’t comply.” —she said.
Being coerced into sexual intimacy is manipulative, it is abuse.
You don’t have to do something you don’t want to. You have a voice and deserve to be heard.
Being in a healthy relationship feels safe, where consent is an ongoing process, establishing boundaries is encouraged, empathy goes both ways, and honest, clear communication is allowed, especially if it is about your emotional needs or if you don’t want to do something.
If this is not how you feel about it, then maybe it is not the best place for you to be in.
Feeling confused, uncomfortable, ashamed, angry, and powerless after sexual coercion is understandable. Emotions are your compass, they tell you what is good and what is not good for you.
If you resonate with this, and are telling yourself that it didn’t happen, or trying to minimize it in any way, I am writing this so you know you are not alone, you are worthy of love, and you are strong enough to choose different.
I am here for you.